The Ones We Miss

I have really gone back and forth on whether or not I wanted to post anything specifically about Aunt Cyndi and JT's death. See, after I started this blog Jessica gave me a great idea about printing out the entries and using them to make a scrapbook for Tyler. I see scrapbooks as cheery and happy pictures with cute flower stickers in the spring and pumpkins in the fall. You don't really think of them as having a section on death. But, a scrapbook is a collection of memories you want to make sure are not forgotten. Since Tyler will not be able to have any memories of either of them, it seems so important to make sure I create them for him. I also have a more keen sense of my mortality. If I am called Home before he is old enough for me to tell him these things, I want them recorded for him. He has lost so much before being born. My Nannie, Bill's sister Christy, Aunt Cyndi and JT were all slated to be such a big part of his life and they never will be. So, I have decided that I can't do this without talking about them. Tyler, when you read this later,you have such a beautiful family that has gone before you. My heart hurts for the love you will never know.
I have cried more tears for JT over these last 4 months than I care to admit. I don't think a day has gone by that I haven't mourned deeply for him. He was a part of my daily life so the hole he left has been so easy to feel. I find myself tripping into it all the time. There isn't an inch of my life that doesn't flood me with memories of him, from home to Walmart to church to my car to my office. He is everywhere.
It hasn't been the same with Aunt Cyndi. She was more compartmentalized in my life. She wasn't everywhere, so unless I am where she was it is easier to shove those feelings to the back. The night I cut Jackie's hair I missed her horribly. I know that if she was still here, she would have fixed any mistakes I made and it made it so real when I was about to make the first cut and I had to warn Jackie she wasn't here to fix what I messed up. There have been many other times where I was doing something she would have been a part of and it became real that she wasn't here anymore. However, nothing has been as real as what I felt in my Childbirth class Saturday.
I don't know why, but I have always viewed Aunt Cyndi as a birthing champion. It seems like she handled childbirth so well. Pregnancy was a problem for her with headaches and such, but not childbirth. She was so strong. Also, in my early pregnancy I had to go on the same hormones she needed during pregnancy. Since we were the only ones in my family with that hormone issue, I decided we were the same. It may make no sense at all, but nothing I have thought in the last 8 months really has. Its just part of pregnacy I guess.
In my Childbirth class, the instructor was telling us about the importance of having support people with you during labor. She said if there was anyone in our family or friend circle that was "good at labor", we should ask them to be there with us. I realized then that the first person I thought of wasn't here. There wasn't time to swallow my tears. They just started flowing freely as I was forced to recognize that she is not with us anymore. I started crying right there in class on the front row, and then after I got lost 40 times on the way to the wedding I cried some more. It is almost like a delayed realization of her death. Maybe I couldn't handle it all at once so God has protected me by giving me small tastes of grief for Aunt Cyndi instead of forcing me to face it all at once. Whatever the reason, it has come in painful spits and spurts instead of one steady stream of hurt. I guess I am thankful.
When I got to the wedding, I was able to focus on Wes and Beth's happy time. After the ceremony, we enjoyed good food and conversation with family. One of the flower girls was dancing to the band playing and I suggested that Tori and Brianna go up and dance. Holly jumped in and volunteered to go with them and the girls were running up there before I knew it. I just stood there and watched these beautiful girls dance so carefree for a few minutes, and then tracked down Aunt Jen (the family photog) to capture the moment. After a few more minutes of watching, I had to walk outside and sob some more. Watching Tori dancing without a care in the world made me so thankful for the gifts God has given us. I am so thankful that Tori and Brianna can both dance joyfully. For a couple of kids they have been through so much. Thank you Lord for providing for them. Please continue to give each of us what we need to make it through each day and thank you for the happy times you give us.

Busy Weekend

This weekend was absolutely PACKED with stuff for us. Friday night we had a softball game for the 12 & Under Oak Grove girls in Dora. The girls did a great job and pulled a big win, 19-3!
Saturday, we started out with an all day (9 am – 4 pm) Prepared Childbirth class.
The class started out with a lot of information about the changes going on during pregnancy. It was amazing to see how squished everything gets inside of you as baby grows. Then we moved on to what to expect with different types of births (natural, induced, c section). As you can see in the picture to the left up top, Bill was thrilled to learn all of this new information.

Before we had a lunch break, we got in the floor and worked on different types of breathing and relaxation techniques. The last thing we did before break was my absolute favorite. The instructor came around with some lotion (Hand Therapy by Aveda) and showed the daddies/support people a hand/foot massage to do that would relax Mom. Let me tell you, she knows what she is talking about. After all the relaxing breathing, that hand massage was just what I needed.
When we broke for lunch, Bill and I decided we would just walk to Red Lobster for a quick salad or something. Bad idea. The parking lots were not at all connected. We had to climb a pine straw covered hill (I was in flip flops) and then scale a retaining wall. It was just as much fun coming back.
After lunch break, we moved on to what happens after the birth. I think that is the part of having a baby no one ever talks about. I had no idea about a lot of the stuff we learned. The last thing we did before going to the hospital for the tour was infant care. We swaddled mock babies and watched the instructor change a diaper which I thought was kinda pointless until she polled the class and there were a few people in our class who had never changed a diaper before.
When we got to the hospital, we got to see the Labor, Delivery and Recovery rooms and then moved up to the 2nd floor where we will spend our hospital stay after Tyler is born. The rooms were all very nice and we got to see the suites you can stay in. The instructor said the first thing you should say after your baby is born is not how beautiful he/she is but that you want a suite! There are only two and they are on a first come first serve basis. Hopefully Bill can remember that because I am thinking I will not have so much luck.
The tour was the end of that part of our day. From there, Bill headed to the softball games and I headed to Wesley and Beth’s wedding. After many wrong turns and several loud screams inside the car, I arrived at the wedding safe and sound. It was such a beautiful day for a wedding and Beth was such a beautiful, glowing bride. I was so happy to get to be there for their special day. Congratulations Wes and Beth!!!!
After the wedding, I went over to St. Vincent’s to visit with Hailey and Jason. Their sweet little guy Kason was born about 5 weeks too early so he is still in the NICU there. It is amazing how much cuteness you can pack into a little 4lb fella. I know Hailey and Jason will be so happy to get him home. Hopefully it won’t be much longer.
When I FINALLY got home that night, Hannah and I worked on her graduation invitations. I can’t begin to tell you how proud I am of her. She has worked hard and is very deserving of all the praise in the world. I love you Hannah and am so proud of you!!! Lydia, one more year honey. You can do it, and we will be just as happy for you.
Sunday, we had a guest speaker at church. Dr. Gerald Bray is a professor at Beeson Divinity at Samford part time and spends the rest of his time traveling all over speaking to different groups about Biblical truth. Before Sunday, I had never heard of him but after he visited with us I did a bit of research and he is a pretty well-known guy in theological circles. He earned his degrees at a university in Paris. I bet when he was strolling through France in his youth he never imagined God would take him to a church in the sticks of Adger. I am glad He did though. His message was simple but good and he had just the right amount of humor.
After church, we all headed to Grandmother’s for Holly’s, Nathan’s, Aaliyah’s and Katie’s birthday parties. We ate a good lunch of barbecue, chicken fingers and chips and dip. Then we moved to the party time. All the kids want money for their birthdays so there wasn’t a whole lot of present opening. Aaliyah did get the 4 wheeler she had been saving up for forever. The kids all had a good time riding it. The main thing the kids look forward to the most about the birthday parties is just playing together. They really do love each other so much. There is no denying our family has lost so much, but even after suffering such a loss we still have more than most.

Hannah had brought a sweet 6 week old baby boy that belongs to her friend Amber so Bill and I got to get some practice in at the parties. After the birthday parties, I hung out at Grandmother’s for a while and then headed out to Mom’s. After I left Mom’s, Hannah and I got the last bit of stuff we needed to finish her invitations and we got them finished! By the time all of this was done I was so ready for bed.
Writing this, I have been thinking about how busy we stay now. I am not complaining, Bill and I both like our lives very much. I wonder how we will keep it all up after Tyler makes his appearance. I guess there will be a natural phasing out of things. We probably won’t even notice and will be left wondering what we did with our time before there was Tyler. I am ready to find out!

Doesn't Hurt to Learn......

but it definitely might hurt to have an unmedicated delivery.
Bill and I took an unmedicated delivery class last night at Brookwood, the hospital we will deliver at. I thought it was interesting and I feel like we learned some things that will make labor easier with or without medication.
We watched videos of women in labor who looked like they were asleep they were so relaxed. It was pretty amazing to watch them just let their bodies do what God designed them to do. We also practiced different breathing techniques that will help to relax me during labor. The instructor was very helpful and we should be seeing her again in the hospital because she is a lactation consultant there.
Every birth experience is different and I won't be disappointed if things don't go as I plan, as long as I leave with a healthy baby boy. Just 6.5 more weeks!
This picture is horrible but it is the only one I took. That is us in the parking deck after the class.

Baby Shower Pictures

What a Baby Shower!!!!

I don't even know how to start. Today my family and friends threw me the best baby shower ever! Everything was so cute, from the cakes (yes cakes!) Jennifer made to the punch and the decorations. A friend from church put together quilt squares for everyone to sign as the sign in area. I cried when I saw it because I so wanted something like that. It was a huge surprise. I am so thankful for all of the work that went into making it such a special day. Tyler is a very lucky guy to have so many people who already love him so much.
We got so many gifts. We got handmade blankets, afghans and cross stitched pictures. I so love handmade gifts. I believe if he was born tomorrow, we would be JUST fine. Ben's truck, Jackie's truck and the back of my car were all packed with gifts. Jackie and I were going through clothes for what seemed like forever. I believe I will have to change him every time he eats to make sure he gets to wear everything he got. If my Mom hadn't come and helped me clean house yesterday (a.k.a. cleaned my house while I wandered around) we wouldn't have had anywhere to put anything. I was not expecting so much. Thank you so much to everyone!

Slideshow

Tyler's 4d Pics

I never knew I could love someone so much without having met them. When I stare at these pictures of the little life growing inside of me, I just become overwhelmed with love. Love and questions. I wonder what he will be like. I can't wait to learn all about him - all of the little things that make him his own, unique person. Bill and I are so blessed to be able to experience all of the emotions and excitement that accompany pregnancy. I do my best not to take for granted every bump and hiccup I feel inside of me. Please pray for us as we embark on this most important journey. Soon, this little man will transform us from simply man and woman, to Dad and Mom. What a gift.

59 More Days!

Hi there,
I just wanted to start a blog to keep everyone updated on Tyler's upcoming arrival and other happenings in our life. I plan to keep this updated often and I hope you can check up on us every now and then. Thanks for stopping by!